How Many Children Should You Have?

Trust us. You should not reproduce. You may be a perfectly fine human being but you are not equipped to deal with children, at least, not at this time. And perhaps never. Suggested methods of birth control: total abstinence, vasectomy, or tubal ligation. To be safe, consider all three.

We're guessing you could handle four kids. There's two of you, right? And you each have two arms? That's one per child. Piece of cake. With four children, you should be able to continue life as usual, at least after the first twenty years.

You're the sort who likes children and you're apt to be good with them. However, you also like the idea of having a life of your own. Even if that's at some distant date in the future. So stop at seven. Seven children will only push you right to the edge of insanity and bankruptcy, not completely over.

You're fairly well-off. You've got friends and family members you can count on. You seem both physically and mentally capable of handling a number of children. Good for you. Just make sure those nine middle children don't feel neglected!

One day you are likely to be accosted by incredulous strangers in the grocery store, asking if all those children are yours. We're guessing you'll be perfectly comfortable saying, 'Yes!' You won't have a lot of money left over or time to yourself, and you won't get a lot of sleep. But you'll be mostly happy. What more could you ask for?

You are energetic and well-off, you have an extensive support system, and you are completely oblivious to your surroundings. Congratulations! You are the sort of person who can have as many children as you'd like! You've got the money and the help. Best of all -- it doesn't matter what your kids get up to, you won't notice. And so it won't drive you nuts.